"My love, you are my reason to live!"
"So, what would you do if I disappeared?"
"I'll keep on living with no reason whatsoever."

Free thinking - a perspective

Whenever the question regarding the purpose of it all overwhelms me, whenever I feel that all is lost and old, whenever the world doesn't make any sense to me at all, whenever I feel like a living breathing zombie, I only do one thing. While driving on the motorway, I close my eyes for 5 seconds when going over 100 mph *. 5 seconds, no more, no less. That 200 yard ride in complete darkness is the equivalent of staring into the abyss.

This gives me a better grip on reality rather than thinking there are others more unfortunate than I am or comparing myself to other more unfortunate people. This is because only feeling the real thing gets me going. It doesn't help me to know people are starving somewhere and that my problems are nothing compared to theirs. It doesn't help me knowing that others succeeded or failed miserably. 

I need to experience myself things, build my own reality, never trying to achieve some other pre-packaged way of life. Of course, I listen to advice and try to learn from the others, but ultimately I want to be able to say: 'I built this, I worked my way up to here, this is me!'

* - do not, under any circumstances, try this on your local motorway. It may result in serious injuries or death.

Killing time

Killing time is no more than a small scale suicide: you don't end up dead, but you just end up closer to death.


Happiness is a place deep inside you. Pain is everywhere. So, where do you look?

You are not special

You are not special. From the minute you've been born, you've started on the path of the average person. Regardless of the environment you we born in, you were the average baby, one of the billions of babies born into this world.
You weren't special as a child. You grew up and learned your mother tongue and another million things just as any kid. You've been told you were special by your parents, that's true, but this is what all parents think of their children. Well, at least they should. I'm not discussing special cases here. This is a generic, not a special essay.

You grew up, went through nursery and kindergarten and school and high-school  You grew up to be a teenager. Here's when your own opinions started to count somehow. But being told by parents and teachers and friends that you were special wasn't quite the truth. You might have been

Immortal quest

In a world of immortals, everything we know or might have ever imagined means nothing. all has been tried and nothing worked. war, peace, starvation, hunger, disease are all forgotten words. they used to be entertainment for a while, until humanity realized that there's nothing left to be entertained with.

Those times are gone. immortality pulled the plug. there are no more vices, because everyone did everything. no more victims, no more pain.
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