The Beauty and Grotesque of a Common Life - End

suicide attempt survivor's journal:

I grew so fond of my character that I cannot end this in any conceivable way. It’s a weird bond I got to develop and I enjoy living his life. He is free, while I am more and more swamped into the triviality of the mundane. I am not sure for how long I am going to bear this burden. This shitty little journal is the opus magnum of the most insignificant and common of all human beings. The life I live is a complete mess. I wish my character would be brought to life, for I see in him someone from whom I have learned enough, someone who could push me to carry on, to make changes, to live free, to find my freedom, but I can’t do this on my own. Ending this story would probably be the end of me, as well. He is me, actually better in any way, while I keep failing as a human being. 

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