Compromise, Relationships and Personal Freedom



A compromise between two parties is usually seen as a way to settle a dispute by mutual concession. It is often used as means to conclude negotiations, settle arguments or simply getting closer towards a common purpose in human interactions. That is, compromise can and is even Recommended to be used in material transactions of any kind.

What I want to explore is the compromise in romantic relationships.
I start by saying there is no such thing, or, even worse, in case there is, it does more long-term damage than anything else (besides crucial faults).

Thing is, a compromise can only renouncing a part of the self in order to please the other. What's in this? Well, in order to reach common ground, each partner has to give up something: this something is a a piece of the self - a sentiment, a desire, a personal secret, a habit - which is very personal and an integrative part of who they are. So far, so good. Each gave up a bit and a common decision has been reached. This something, be it big or small (according to the value assigned by their owner) is seen as a piece that it's being traded against the partners renouncement, in order to reach an understanding.

The problem resides in the fact that
these things can not be measured. With the passing of time, they can (an usually do) can change their value.

Even worse, it will be stuck only to be pulled out whenever future dispute will arise, and that would be the time for retribution. The former compromise would only build up frustration and tension within each individual to the extent that a short term resolution turns out into a long term damage to the relationship. Each part feels they gave more that was necessary without getting the proper acknowledgement and appreciation.

This, only because compromise only comes into play when there is a power struggle within the couple. Were it not the case, there would be no case of such fragmented negotiations. Proper collaboration in the couple would lead to simply complying with each other's needs and act accordingly without feelings of loss or advantage.

The main reason behind is that people are weak. They are not able to embrace the fact that their partner is an individual with different needs, these need not being necessarily a nuisance for the relationship, but a reality that needs to be accepted as is and gotten the best of it. In turn, one's insecurity and fear are more powerful then the ability to see the truth and adapt to it. Hence, taking them out on a partner creates a trap which not only tries to limit personal freedom for the other, but for themselves as well.



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